We live in a broken, fallen world. And sometimes even marriage facilitators need to be reminded why the material we teach is needed and why it works. In fact, that’s part of the reason we’re here.

This morning, my wife and I made the mistake of trying to discuss paying a bill while we were both still lying in bed, barely awake.

In hindsight, probably not our wisest decision.

We were both still groggy and halfheartedly trying to work through something that actually required thought and decision-making. Needless to say, it wasn’t going well.

Frustration started building. We were both becoming argumentative, and the conversation was going nowhere fast.

Thankfully, we recognized what was happening and remembered the tools we’ve learned.

It didn’t take a rocket scientist to recognize that this conversation was not going well. Instead of continuing to push through it and allowing a simple discussion about a bill to turn into an argument, we stopped.

We both agreed that this wasn’t the best time to have the conversation. The bill didn’t have to be figured out right that second. We could pause, get out of bed, wake up, and come back to it in a few hours.

So that’s exactly what we did.

And you know what happened?

After we had both gotten up, shaken the grogginess from our eyes, and had a little time and distance from the situation, we ended up bringing the bill up again before we even reached the time we had agreed to revisit it.

And this time, the conversation was completely different.

The solution literally came up on the first try.

What had felt frustrating and difficult just a few hours earlier suddenly had an obvious answer. We both saw it, we both agreed, and that was it.

We solved the problem together, as one team.

There was no argument. There was no conflict. There was no begrudging submission from either one of us. We were both genuinely happy with the solution, and honestly, it was a breath of fresh air.

The problem hadn’t really changed. We had simply recognized that the first conversation wasn’t going well and had the wisdom to stop before we turned a solvable problem into a marriage problem.

And it reminded us of the principles we learned years ago when we came across the marriage ministry of Joel and Kathy Davisson, especially the importance of mutual submission and adapting to one another.

Neither one of us needed to win. Neither one of us needed to force the conversation forward simply because it had already started. We could recognize that what we were doing wasn’t working, mutually agree to pause, and adapt to what the other person needed in that moment.

Years ago, during the hardest days of our marriage, that same little conversation could have become a huge blowup. Something small would turn into something bigger. Frustration would build on frustration, and before we knew it, we weren’t even arguing about the original issue anymore.

A simple conversation about paying a bill could have ruined the entire morning, maybe even the entire day.

Today, those normal little bumps in marriage can simply be resolved in the normal course of life.

And actually, it’s even better than that.

Moments like this build confidence in your marriage. You realize that you can disagree. You can get frustrated. You can recognize that a conversation isn’t going well and decide to come back to it later.

Not every disagreement has to become an argument. Not every problem has to be solved immediately. Sometimes one of the healthiest things you can do is recognize, This isn’t going well right now. Let’s come back to it.

And then you solve the problem together.

No huge fight. No wounded feelings. No miserable day.

Just two imperfect people using the tools they’ve learned and getting back to enjoying their marriage.

And when you remember where your marriage once was, something as simple as peacefully figuring out how to pay a bill doesn’t feel so small after all.

It reminds you just how far you’ve come.

And once again, we found ourselves incredibly thankful that God led us to the Davissons’ marriage ministry and gave us practical tools that have completely changed the way we do marriage.

Enjoyed This Post?

Subscribe below for more practical marriage tips, real-life encouragement, and resources to help your marriage thrive!