Something came up on our Tuesday Marriage Mentor call last night that I think is worth sharing.

Last week, we encouraged one of the husbands to be willing to go somewhere like Target with his wife if that was something she wanted to do even if Target wasn’t exactly his idea of a good time.

He brought it up again on last night’s call.

His concern was that if he goes somewhere with his wife and doesn’t want to be there, she’ll be able to tell he isn’t enjoying himself. He wants to be genuine with her and not “fake it.” He feels like he needs to be true to himself and how he feels.

But here’s the thing…

Restoring your marriage sometimes means dying to self.

Even Jesus, the night before His crucifixion, prayed, “If it is possible, may this cup be taken from me.” He knew what was ahead of Him, and He didn’t desire the suffering He was about to endure. Yet He followed that prayer with, “Yet not as I will, but as you will.” (Matthew 26:39)

He chose obedience over what He felt in that moment.

Husbands, there are going to be times when you don’t feel like doing what it takes to be a good husband.

You might not feel like going to Target.

You might not feel like planning the date.

You might not feel like having the conversation.

You might not feel like putting your phone down, helping with something, or doing what matters to your wife.

Do it anyway.

That isn’t being fake. That’s maturity.

Being genuine doesn’t mean every action has to match what you feel in the moment. Sometimes your actions need to lead your feelings.

There’s also something interesting that happens when you repeatedly choose a new response: your brain can strengthen new neural pathways. With repetition, behaviors that once felt unnatural or difficult can begin to feel more automatic and natural.

And eventually, you may even find yourself enjoying things you once didn’t simply because you enjoy seeing your wife happy.

Hang in there. The work is worth it.

The goal isn’t to pretend to have a happy marriage.

The goal is to practice the things that help you build one.

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