Practical Marriage Solutions

Is Marriage Supposed to Make You Holy, Not Happy?

Sat, 12 Sep 2026 12:36:39 -0700

I once had a Sunday School teacher tell us that if we ever got a divorce, he was going to be really mad. And then he handed us the book Sacred Marriage.

At this point, we were newlyweds and had only been married a few years. But even back then, our marriage was already struggling.

We read the book and came away with this idea that marriage was about being holy, not happy.

And honestly, that bought us a couple more years.

Not because our marriage was fixed. We just determined that some people had good marriages and some didn’t. And no matter what, we had to stay married. Even if we were miserable, because marriage was about being holy, not happy. Right?

Wrong.

Our maI once had a pastor tell us during our premarital counseling that one day we would be willing to trade our spouse for a Diet Coke.

We laughed.

But looking back, I thought about what he said that day often.

We heard over and over that marriage is hard work and that there would probably be times when we wouldn’t even want our spouse anymore.

Guys, marriage does not have to continue being hard work.

You can come out on the other side where marriage is one of the easiest and best things in your life!

But you need the proper tools, a correct understanding of Scripture, and a support system in place to help you get there.

Over the years, we read a bunch of...Read More

When Counselors Get It Wrong

Sat, 29 Aug 2026 13:04:40 -0700

Our counselor once told us to take a list of all the chores in our home and split them up so everything would be fair and even.

At the time, I felt like I was doing everything. I was overwhelmed, exhausted, and by the end of the day, I was resentful. The last thing I wanted to do was hang out with my husband.

So we did what the counselor suggested.

We made a list.

Laundry. Meal cooking. Grocery shopping. Getting the kids ready for school. Changing diapers. Cleaning the house. And on and on.

Then next to each chore, we put a name.

Seems fair, right?

Let me tell you why that didn’t work when our marriage was just trying to survive.

He brought it up again on last night’s call.

His concern was that if he goes somewhere with his wife and doesn’t want to be there, she’ll be able to tell he isn’t enjoying himself. He wants to be genuine with her and not “fake it.” He feels like he needs to be true to himself and how he feels.

But here’s the thing…

Restoring your marriage sometimes means dying to self.

Even Jesus, the night before His crucifixion, prayed, “If it is possible, may this cup be taken from me.” He knew what was ahead of Him, and He didn’t desire the suffering He was about to endure. Yet He followed that prayer with, “Yet not as I will, but as you will.” (Matthew 26:39)

He chose obedience over what He felt in that moment.

Husbands, there are going to be times when you don’t feel like doing what it takes to be a good husband.

You might not feel like going to Target.

You might not feel like planning the date.

You might not feel like having the conversation.

You might not feel like putting your phone down, helping with something, or doing what matters to your wife.

Do it anyway.

That isn’t being fake. That’s maturity.

Being genuine doesn’t mean every action has to match what you feel in...Read More

This Would Have Ruined Our Entire Day Years Ago

Tue, 18 Aug 2026 06:40:47 -0700

We live in a broken, fallen world. And sometimes even marriage facilitators need to be reminded why the material we teach is needed and why it works. In fact, that’s part of the reason we’re here.

This morning, my wife and I made the mistake of trying to discuss paying a bill while we were both still lying in bed, barely awake.

In hindsight, probably not our wisest decision.

We were both still groggy and halfheartedly trying to work through something that actually required thought and decision-making. Needless to say, it wasn’t going well.

Frustration started building. We were both becoming argumentative, and the conversation was going nowhere fast.

Thankfully, we recognized what was happening and remembered the tools we’ve learned.

It didn’t take a rocket scientist to recognize that this conversation was not going well. Instead of continuing to push through it and allowing a simple discussion about a bill to turn into an argument, we stopped.

We both agreed that this wasn’t the best time to have the conversation. The bill didn’t have to be figured out right that second. We could pause, get out of bed, wake up, and come back to it in a few hours.

So that’s exactly what we did.

And you know what happened?

After we had both gotten up, shaken the grogginess from our eyes, and had a little time and distance from the situation, we ended up bringing the bill up again before we even reached the time we had agreed to revisit it.

And this time, the conversation was completely different.

The solution literally came up on the first try.

What had felt frustrating and difficult just a few hours earlier suddenly had an obvious answer. We both saw it, we both agreed, and that was it.

We solved the problem together, as one team.

There was no argument. There was no conflict. There was no begrudging submission from either one of us. We...Read More